Same-sex marriage: It's a big deal

About a year ago, I was talking with a friend about the Varnum v. Brien ruling.

He's gay, I'm not. But sitting over coffee that morning, we both were surprised and smiling.

“I never really pushed for marriage,” he said. “But now that I've got it, don't you dare try to take it away from me.” He was half kidding.

Glad, then immediately guarded - that's where our minds went a year ago when the Iowa Supreme Court unanimously struck down a 1998 marriage law barring same-sex couples from tying the knot. With good reason.

Faster than you can say “I do,” marriage traditionalists vowed after that opinion not to rest until the old man-woman rule was restored. They're still at it.

That means this week also marks the first anniversary of the full-frontal assault on the state's fledgling tradition of marriage equality.

It casts a few clouds on the anniversary, and it's had a strange effect on the celebration. Sometimes it feels as if “Same-sex Marriage: It's No Big Deal” has become the unofficial slogan for some marriage equality supporters.

It's true in that most Iowan's lives haven't changed one whit, but it's sure not the case for the nearly 1,800 same-sex couples married in Iowa over the past 12 months, or for those who plan on marrying this year.

Last year's ruling marked a dramatic change in the way the state counts life partners - and decides which life partnerships count. It is a big deal - and a good deal for Iowans gay and straight.

And while it makes sense to downplay the historic decision when a vocal minority is using it to drum up hate, I still am disappointed to find so much anniversary rhetoric centered on the fact that the sky didn't fall after last year's Supreme Court decision. Because the decision was more than “not catastrophic”, it was the right thing to do.

I'm not just against being against same-sex marriage. I'm for it. Which might sound strange coming from a heterosexual woman with no real dog in the fight. But straight people should care about same-sex marriage for a lot of reasons.

Friends and neighbors, for one, who are able now to tie the knot - to create stable families and publicly recognized partnerships like everybody else.

But more important, there's the matter of civil rights.

Anytime we try to justify inequality or oppression of one group, we all become a little less free.

Last year's decision was a step away from prejudice, and it was a step forward. For all of us.

That's something to celebrate.

Jennifer Hemmingsen's column appears on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Contact the writer at (319) 339-3154 or jennifer.hemmingsen@gazcomm.com