By Bill Strilich
My name is Self. And I have a reasonably high opinion of me.
Why don’t you join my son and me while I run some errands.
As we enter my vehicle, you might notice I do not wear a seat belt. Those are for “little people” who need to be taken care of via laws and regulations. And since my 12-year-old son is not one of them, he does not need the belt either. As we approach the first stop sign, you may notice I coasted through the sign. If you were really observant, you would realize I did not engage my turn signal while turning to the right. Drivers behind me and in front of me do not need to know I am turning.
Soon we arrived at the department store to purchase a pair of earrings. There were three or four people ahead of me. I was in a hurry, so I rapped my car key on the counter to get the clerk’s attention. She told me she was helping others. How rude of her!
We then drove to the All Iowa Fair. I own a store and my older son manned my booth at the fair. Can you imagine, the ticket seller insisted that I purchase a parking ticket. I was so upset, I drove through the midway to avoid such an imposition.
Later, our final destination was the grocery store. I grab a cart. After a while, I eyed the frozen fish in the cart and decided I do not want the fish, so I put it on the shelf containing rat poison because I did not wish to walk all that way back to the frozen foods department.
When reaching for apples in the produce department, one fell to the floor. Of course, the store pays people to pick up things like that.
After loading the groceries into the vehicle, a few raindrops greeted me, so I parked the cart next to my vehicle rather than rolling it to the cart stall 12 feet away. Of course, the store hires people to roll the carts to their proper places.
On the way home we stopped at a drive-up to get a coffee and a soda. Halfway home, the beverages were consumed. Naturally, I do not want empty containers in my vehicle, so we tossed them out the window.
I admire those in “high places.” For example, a movie star was promoting the banning of guns while his bodyguard was carrying one. I can appreciate politicians in Washington who pass laws, but have no need to follow them. I really admire our attorney general who sees no need to provide Congress with vital papers or shuns honesty. My favorites are the professional athletes (and even some in college) who can break the law and not experience any consequences.
I am getting motivated, so I’ll close celebrating my comrades who steal identities and profit by them, or the rapists who satisfy a need, or the tax cheat, or the drug dealer, or the mono-sided media, etc.
Bill Strilich of Marion taught graphic communications in the Cedar Rapids school system for 40 years. Comments: email@example.com