So I was out over the midday buying a few provisions in anticipation of what The Weather Channel calls “Winter Storm Draco.” Just the normal stuff, bread, milk, eggs, bourbon, gunpowder, mustache wax and banjo strings. All the stuff a guy needs to guide his clan through the icy teeth of impeding blizzardness.
I’m not sure how I feel about blizzards now having names. On the one hand, it seems like ridiculous hype piled on top of the huge drifts of hype that always accompany big snowstorms. It’s run by a big grocery syndicate, you know.
But, as landlocked upper Midwesterners, we do miss out on the unique experience of being hit by weather with a personality, celebrity storms, even. You have to live on the gulf or Atlantic coasts to have weather you can actually, defiantly, curse by name. Our storms just roll in without so much as a proper introduction.
I guess you’d have to act pretty fast to name a tornado. In amateur videos, tornadoes are generally named Holy (Beep)!
But I don’t yet get a sense that Draco is catching on. Nobody shoving their way toward the milk or grasping for eggs or hoarding bread, in a desperate, last-ditch bid for French toast, uttered the storm’s name within earshot. I have a feeling that if I had asked one of my fellow provisioners if they’re girding for Draco, they would have pretended to ignore me while moving away swiftly.
I’m pretty sure our storm is named after Draco, an ancient Greek lawmaker who is credited for scribbling out Athens’ first written laws. Draco’s laws were known for their harshness. We still call harsh laws “draconian.” Something to think about while shoveling.
My kids will probably think it’s named after Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter’s rival schoolmate.
Name or no name, those kids are very excited for snow. Our seven-month old dog has not seen a real shot of the white stuff. He is wearing a cone as a result of an unfortunate fence-jumping incident, so his frolicking will be limited. But I won’t totally deny him at least a short romp in the snow. To do otherwise would be downright draconian.
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