You have to try to be level-headed about this.
I mean Big Ten games haven’t even started yet. There will be eight weeks of those followed by a conference championship game. That might include Wisconsin, even. At least technically. I mean, like for now. I did say Big Ten games haven’t started yet, so, technically, everyone is still alive for the title game. Yes, even Wisconsin.
If you love Big Ten football, and your team, you’ll engage in this. It might be two people falling on each other in one of those Sumo suits, but it’ll be the football that you know and, yes, love.
It won’t be any more than that, but it’s yours, mine and ours.
1) Ohio State — Ineligible team is the Big Ten’s best. This is like naming Bernie Madoff America’s best fundraiser. Last week: No. 2. Next: UAB.
2) Michigan State — Lost to ND crushed the Spartans’ season last year. Crushed it right into a Legends Division title and Big Ten title game berth. Last week: No. 1. Next: Eastern Michigan.
3) Michigan — It’s time to give Michigan credit for trying to climb Mt. Everest (Alabama) on the first day of camp (week 1). Last week: No. 3. Next: at Notre Dame.
4) Northwestern — Smelling like one of those “did you see that?” kind of years in Evanston. That smells kinda like bacon, BTW. Last week: No. 4. Next: South Dakota.
5) Nebraska — Not going to joke about Bo Pelini. I saw the scene where he had to leave the field. This is a profession of madmen. Last week: No. 5. Next: Idaho State.
6) Purdue — Purdue started the season with nine QBs on its roster. You know what they say when you have nine QBs on the roster. Last week: No. 6. Next: off (Sept. 29 Marshall).
7) Minnesota — Marge Gunderson: Okay, I want you to tell me what these fellas looked like. Hooker #1: Well, the little guy, he was kinda funny-looking. Marge Gunderson: In what way? Hooker #1: I dunno, just funny-lookin’. Marge Gunderson: Can you be any more specific?. Last week: No. 7. Next: Syracuse.
8 ) Iowa — Mark Weisman, future strength coach or stuntman? Last week: No. 9. Next: Central Michigan.
9 ) Wisconsin — You can still buy a 30 pack of Hamm’s in Madison for $11.79. At least they have that going for them. Last week: No. 8. Next: UTEP.
10) Illinois — I don’t know, help me out here. Last week: No. 10. Next: Louisiana Tech.
11) Penn State — Is this Forest Gump learning that he can run? Not yet. Last week: No. 12. Next: Temple.
12) Indiana — In Greek mythology, Sisyphus was a king punished by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill only to watch it roll back down and to repeat this action forever. Also the name of my fantasy football team. Last week: No. 11. Next: off (at Northwestern on Sept. 29).
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