Hlastradamus has been to Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota,
Buffalo, Toronto, Winslow, Sarasota,
Wichita, Tulsa, Ottawa, Oklahoma,
Tampa, Panama, Mattawa, La Paloma,
Bangor, Baltimore, Salvador, Amarillo,
Tocapillo, Baranquilla, and Perdilla.
But the prophet has never stepped mystical foot in Alabama. Nor does he have any plans to do so in the future. He likes college football as much as the next seer, but Alabama takes this stuff a little too seriously.
So Hlastradamus is paying no heed to the latest Game of the Century, LSU-Alabama. He instead turns to a game that will grab no one, because he is about winning, not cheap thrills.
That non-grabber is Minnesota-Michigan State. The Spartans are favored by 28 points. The oracle says go with MSU for MOO and LAH.
Why? Because the Gophers go back to being the Gophers this week. And the Spartans go back to being the Spartans. Do you really need more of a breakdown than that? If so … how dare you? You don’t question Hlastradamus! The centuries are littered with broken fools who thought they could do so.
You know where else Hlastradamus has been? He’s been to Boston, Charleston, Dayton, Louisiana,
Washington, Houston, Kingston, Texarkana,
Monterey, Faraday, Santa Fe, Tallapoosa,
Glen Rock, Black Rock, Little Rock, Oskaloosa,
Tennessee, Hennessey, Chicopee, Spirit Lake,
Grand Lake, Devils Lake, Crater Lake, for Pete’s sake.
He’s been to Louisville, Nashville, Knoxville, Ombabika,
Schefferville, Jacksonville, Waterville, Costa Rica,
Pittsfield, Springfield, Bakersfield, Shreveport,
Hackensack, Cadillac, Fond du Lac, Davenport,
Idaho, Jellico, Argentina, Diamantina,
Pasadena, Catalina, see what I mean-a.
He’s been to Pittsburgh, Parkersburg, Gravelbourg, Colorado,
Ellensburg, Rexburg, Vicksburg, Eldorado,
Larimore, Admore, Haverstraw, Chatanika,
Chaska, Nebraska, Alaska, Opelika,
Baraboo, Waterloo, Kalamazoo, Kansas City,
Sioux City, Cedar City, Dodge City,
He’s been everywhere, man. Especially here to find lyrics to Johnny Cash’s songs. Everywhere but Alabama.