The prophet is back from the Charlie Sheen roast. My goodness, that Steve-O is a dingbat. And Mike Tyson … what a concept!

The mystic has two winners this week you people of the year 2011.

But first, you won’t believe what happened when Hlastradamus went to the after-roast party with Charlie and … well, that’s another story for another day.

1. Illinois -12.5 vs. Western Michigan. Hlastradamus tells you this now, and remember it. Illinois will take an 8-0 record to Penn State on Oct. 29. The Fighting Illini are five wins from that happening. Saturday will be one of them.

Comparing scores is a fool’s game, but still … Michigan beat Western Michigan 34-10 in a game shortened to three quarters by the terrors of lightning. That’s 24 points, not 12.5. Illinois is as good as Michigan. Easy, huh? You don’t have to be a psychic to get this stuff right. But it helps.

2. Michigan State -22 vs. Central Michigan. Last week, Western Michigan beat Central Michigan by 30 points. So we’re supposed to think CMU will have a closer game with MSU than WMU?

Two years ago, Central Michigan won at Michigan State, 29-27. That has not been forgotten in East Lansing, and this year’s MSU team will make this year’s CMU team pay for it.

That’s it. Now if you’ll excuse the sage, he has to prepare himself. He’s on the panel of ”Chelsea Lately” tonight on E!