Some impostors use crystal balls. Hlastradamus simply buys crystal after putting his knowledge of the future to good use.
Last week, the prophet raised his game. He went 5-0 — that’s right, world, 5-0! — against the spread.
Where else in all the world did someone give you as many as five picks that all came home? Why is the mainstream media not stepping over each other to contact the oracle for stories about his amazing accuracy?
That put Hlastradamus’ season-record at 11-6, a 65 percent winning clip. The sage would never encourage wagering on football games, but had you heeded his advice last week and played his five-team parlay, your life would be, well, richer.
But does the prophet rest on his laurels? Never. So here are this week’s little slices of heaven:
Florida -6.5 vs. LSU. Louisiana State is a house of cards, and The Swamp is no place to be flimsy.
South Carolina +6.5 vs. Alabama. This is the Gamecocks’ Super Bowl.
Stanford -10 vs. USC. Pete Carroll is glad to be long-gone from this game.
The Big Ten games all look too murky this week. However, let’s hear how you amateur prophets feel about these lines:
Michigan -4.5 vs. Michigan State
Ohio State -21.5 vs. Indiana
Penn State -8 vs. Illinois
Wisconsin -21.5 vs. Minnesota
Northwestern -10 vs. Purdue