Last week was an abject disaster for Hlastradamus. Three predictions, three blunders. The prophet needs to join Stewart and Colbert’s rally to restore sanity. Namely, his own.

What do you do when you’ve gone from 5-1 for the season against the pointspread to 6-6? Besides blaming someone else, that is. You dig deeper. So this week the oracle has expanded from three games to five. And if he doesn’t get at least three correct, he promises to get out of the prognosticating business and run for mayor of Chicago.

1. Indiana -10.5 vs. Michigan. Indiana quarterback Ben Chappell is good. Michigan’s defense is not.

2. Michigan State +1.5 vs. Wisconsin. These are two seemingly stone-age teams that do have passing games. But they’re mostly big bruisers. Wisconsin’s great at picking on the UNLVs and Austin Peays of the world. Time to face someone your own size.

3. Minnesota +4.5 vs. Northwestern. Hlastradamus is nothing if not stubborn. He had the Gophers last week against Northern Illinois. A colossal mistake. But the points and a lack of faith in Northwestern’s all-around team makes the prophet think Minny can have a rare night of competence before the season goes completely off the tracks.

4. Alabama -7.5 vs. Florida. Alabama is quite good. Beastly, in fact. This is not the year to bring an unproven quarterback into Tuscaloosa, as Penn State found out three weeks ago.

5. Iowa -7 vs. Penn State. The sage has less confidence in this selection than the others, but isn’t afraid to pander his readers. He simply feels Iowa is the better of the two teams, and that will be borne out.